Behind those Bars

It’s like you are dead, like I will never get to see you again. Like you are visiting our hollow eyed grandmother, and contemplate haunting us. You are going to miss our little brother’s graduation. You won’t meet my husband, won’t know my children. You’ll never have your own, won’t love your job. You will never have a life. They are hiding you. I can’t see you, I can’t hear you, I can’t find you. You are already haunting me, all I can think of, stuck in my mind. It’s like you are dead.

Attempts

Images so brightly burned inside my mind.
with every wink, the shadowed memories ignite behind my eyes.

My kind, hardworking Father
            (strong in his children’s eyes
fights and struggles with his urine colored poison.
desperate to silence the screams in his heart
from the wife who left to pleasure herself in
            a Sea of childish fantasy)
Grabs for the Sirens, small, red, and blue, that sing their temptress song.
            They promise to take away his pain
            make the noise stop.
So he chokes them down quickly, like little chocolate candies,
while we ,his children, watch.
  And with tear streamed eyes we wait
    For uniformed men. and Welcome the Red and Blue disco
  while we hold each other close and pray this isn’t
                                    his last Dance…

Open my eyes and Breathe again,
but as I blink, it sneaks like smoke behind my
lids and the memory appears.

my Brother
            (who never quite felt whole
who always felt like disappointment, worthlessness, never
realized how much we love him. Had had enough. too
             much Addiction, too much Shame, too much Guilt)
  Grabbed for the snarling, sharp-toothed metal
and prepared for its powerful Kiss.
    and as I pushed on the thousand pound door,
and saw the lipstick stained mirror whispering,
            “I’m sorry mom, i Am a piece of shit”
I gazed upon the Grizzly scrap metal beast,
 rested ‘neath his tear glazed chin-
his finger on the e’er so welcoming trigger.
 and crawling on the floor, a devil’s howl
forced itself from the bowels of my soul,
  I gripped the slick linoleum searching for,
Help, welcoming strong arms,
 and through rain covered windows I gazed,
howling, hoping this wouldn’t be
                        his last Storm…

Not Just A Dream

This is just an original poem I wrote for my creative writing class.

I closed my eyes last night,
                            just once

                                        Then i opened them

                        and saw it all.

the Serpent slithered slowly toward me

                                                            while i froze in fear

he sang to me
   he violated me
     he learned me,                                                                                                       

                                        inside and out

 And then he bit me
   filling me with his colorful poisons,
I resisted at first,

                                                                    physically

but I gave up,
                                                                                                                        embraced it,
Mentally, Emotionally
            it filled me up and took over my body.
   He was a part of me.
he unveiled my true Identity.

and i decided to go hunting
i had a craving for Rabbits……..

    I slit the first one’s throat
and watched the life spill out of its Eyes.

watched the color drain from its face

so Innocent and tame.

i tortured the next one
hammered nails through its body
harmonizing with its piercing Scream
smiling as the blood drips down my canvas

          That one deserved it.

IRape the last one
  dominate it, force myself into it with Small, threatening hands

watch for that look of Powerlessness,

just before I grip hard and r.i.p. out its Heart.
    then I lick the blood from my fingers

and smoke a Cigarette.

  i closed my eyes last night,
        just once.